Midnight Confession
by LittleKnux2008
Summary: Missing scene for Intruder. Rodney's mistakes catch up with him. [McKayWeir]


**Spoilers: **"The Brotherhood", "The Siege (I, II and III)", "Hot Zone"and "Intruder".  
**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but the story itself, blah blah blah.  
**Author's Note: **Sort of a pre-tag to "Intruder"; starts just before the episode itself does. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

Elizabeth Weir smiled as she saw his familiar form sitting at one of the tables in the Daedalus's cafeteria. She suppressed a yawn as she walked over to the table. It was so awkward, attempting to sleep in the still, quiet compartments of the ship. After a few hours of tossing and turning, Elizabeth had given up and gone to the cafeteria, grabbing herself a cup of coffee, hoping that she would see a familiar face along the way.

"Hey Rodney," she said tiredly as she sat across from him, smiling gently. Rodney jumped, looking up at her, recognizing she was there for the first time.

"Oh, hello," he replied in surprise, blinking.

"Couldn't sleep?" Elizabeth prompted, taking a sip of the coffee. Her eyes fell on three folders sitting in front of Rodney.

"You know how it is…" he brushed the question aside, resting his arms on the folders as if to hide them from sight. Elizabeth's forehead furrowed, and she glanced at him questioningly. His face was blank, which only increased her curiosity.

"Rodney…" she said, drawing out his name, waiting for him to explain. Rodney looked down for a long moment.

"Mission files," he muttered finally. "Nothing, really," he added, looking up again. "You know, I was thinking. The best thing about going home was getting more coffee. I mean, we were almost at the last drop," he rambled, making it sound as if a lack of coffee was nearly as apocalyptic as the war with the Wraith. Elizabeth was inclined to agree with him, but she found his dismissal of the files before him curious.

"What mission files?" she probed, her eyebrows rising. Rodney tensed as her hand drew across the table and rested on the top file. He didn't move to prevent Elizabeth from sliding the folder over to her. She flipped through it quickly, skimming bits here and there, before looking back at Rodney. It was the mission report containing the details of a planet Rodney and the team had visited and had nearly pertained a ZPM – only to have it taken away. "What are you doing with these?" She leaned back to get a better view on the tabs of the others. Elizabeth immediately realized the thick folder of events from the siege they'd recently been under; as well as an assessment report from the viral breakout earlier in the year. "Rodney… You lived through these, I know you remember every detail," she said with a small, nervous laugh. He wouldn't meet her eyes, and it concerned her.

"Just…." he swallowed tightly, "making sure I didn't miss anything." Elizabeth folded her arms across her chest and looked at him, her facial expressions making it clear to him that she didn't believe him. Rodney clamped his mouth shut tightly. What did the three incidents have in common? Elizabeth frowned. Rodney had a horrible poker face; she could see the pain hidden in his intoxicatingly blue eyes. That was when she realized what was wrong.

Wagner. Johnson. Dumais. Hays. Peterson. Grodin.

"It's not your fault," Elizabeth told him. Rodney's eyes registered surprise, but it faded quickly into guilt. His worst failures. Elizabeth looked at the file sitting in front of her. She understood Rodney's misplaced guilt about the virus and Peter's death, but what did this have to do it? "Rodney…"

"Look, just leave it alone," he replied defensively, shifting uncomfortably.

"No," she insisted with more force than she'd intended. Elizabeth took a breath before she continued. "Rodney, it's not your fault that any of these people died," she said firmly.

He shook his head. "It is my fault," he informed her. Elizabeth bit her lip. She pitied him – how would it feel to watch your colleagues, your _friends_, die? How would it feel to believe it you caused it?

"Wagner and the others…" Elizabeth trailed off.

"I should've known," Rodney insisted, "I knew the Ancients had to have their labs somewhere. We should have put on hazmats or something. Who knows what the storm could have damaged? I didn't even think about it."

"I ordered your team to investigate that pier, Rodney," Elizabeth reminded him.

"You couldn't have known," Rodney said quickly.

Elizabeth leaned forward, her eyes locking with his. "Neither could you." Rodney was silent as he moved his eyes away from hers. "Look, Rodney, you did your best to protect everyone. That's all anyone can ask for."

"My best wasn't good enough," Rodney replied, jaw clenching.

Elizabeth leaned back, concern in her eyes. "Listen to me," she ordered softly. "There was no evidence that there was a viral lab in that area. You and your team went there and got infected. It's not your fault. It was a _freak accident_, Rodney," she said.

"Yes, but – "

"But _nothing_," Elizabeth replied forcibly. "You were the one who thought of the EMP plan."

"Which didn't work," he replied.

"Which would have worked if everyone wasn't so spread out," she corrected. "John just built on your idea, Rodney. You saved a bunch of lives that day." Elizabeth attempted to catch his eye again. "Peter wanted you to leave the weapons satellite. You were going to go back to him. It was Peter's decision," she pressed onward. "Don't blame yourself for this." A silence settled over them for a long moment. Elizabeth felt a terrible feeling welling up within her. They had helped each other through everything: the Wraith, the Genii…but somehow, she felt incapable to help him with this. She saw Rodney's eyes settle on the file folder before her, and she frowned. "Don't even try to blame yourself, Rodney."

"How can I not?" Rodney replied, his eyes meeting hers briefly. "It's my fault that the ZedPM got taken away. I trusted Allina. I thought she was on our side. My trust allowed her to take the ZedPM from me."

"You did amazingly well. You found the ZPM. You couldn't have known that Allina would take it.," Elizabeth pressed, hearing the bitter guilt in his voice. But when she looked at Rodney, she realized that there was a different kind of sadness holding in Rodney's eyes.

"I was stupid enough to believe that Allina liked me," he admitted finally. Elizabeth leaned back, her lips parted slightly. She had expected her breakup with Simon, however, it had still been painful. Yet despite those painful memories so close in her mind, she felt her stomach roll unpleasantly at this news. Elizabeth told herself that it was because Allina had betrayed him; that she was feeling sorry for a friend…but it was beyond that. "She was using me for the ZedPM." He sighed, shaking to his head. "I should just give up. No woman in her right mind would like me…" he muttered to himself as he stood.

"Rodney…" Elizabeth trailed off, looking at him with wide eyes.

"I have to get some sleep," he told her. Elizabeth nodded finally, and he walked out of the room, coffee cup in hand. She looked down at the table and noted, with a tinge of happiness, that he had left the files behind. So maybe she would never be able to help him get rid of this guilt – maybe he would never be able to get over it – but at least he wasn't going to be brooding over it any longer tonight; reading through the files of his failures repeatedly, burning the details into his mind. Still, his last muttered words filtered through her mind as she lifted the cup to her lips.

"I like you, Rodney," she murmured to the empty room.


End file.
